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I wouldn’t advertise that!

Last weekend I decided to embrace my single status and take myself to the movies on a rare night out. I actually was strangely comfortable with the concept but I’ll be honest, there was that tiny inner voice that was whispering to me “everyone will see you on your own and think your a loser”. Yes sad to say even as a 30 year old woman I still had some cares about what a bunch of strangers would think of me. So I proudly shared my plans with a friend half expecting to be cheered on (I know I know expectations are the root of disappointment)  but the response I got was anything but supportive…

My tentative confession was met with “I wouldn’t advertise that if I were you!”

Really are we that superficial that in 2018 single people should miss out on such a mundane thing as catching a movie simply because they don’t have a significant other to go with? What happened to supporting your friends and encouraging them?

Yes I have friends & family but let’s face it they have their own families and partners and I don’t want to be the stray dog that scratches at their door begging for a bone. I’m independent and I’d rather go to the movies on my own then drag someone with me just so I’m not on my own. I also feel the same way about dating, I’m not going to take a random man to the movies that I’m not really interested in just for appearances sake to a bunch of strangers.

Somehow though that integrity is lost on others. When did we become so caught up in appearances that single people should lock themselves indoors until they’ve magically met someone to join them at the movies? And how are you meant to met someone if you are in hiding for fear of being seen on your own?

I sat with the remark all weekend and clearly it got under my skin. Why can’t people go enjoy a movie or a meal on their own? You know what it was totally fine, no one called me a loser, no one even gave me a second glance being solo, I didn’t have to listen to someone talking or asking questions and I didn’t have to share my popcorn. Seems like a win to me! Let’s face it like 80% of the movie goers were teens anyway!

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Yes there are benefits to having someone to share those outings with but guess what being single isn’t like being sentenced to solitary confinement. It is what you make of it. So don’t hide away. Get out there and live your life the way you want to. You want to see a movie, go see it! You want to have dinner out, go and eat dinner out! You want to go for a romantic moonlit walk, then go do it! Don’t sit at home and watch life pass you by feeling sorry for yourself that you spent the best years of your life on your own at home.

Fill your own cup, make yourself happy and focus on yourself for once. That way when that special person comes along you know who you are and you are the best version of you that you possibly could be.

Chin up singletons, you do you and advertise that (shout it from the roof tops) because you deserve to go have some fun and no one else will really give a shit trust me! (Here’s a car selfie because I wanted to commemorate my first date with myself) 🤣🤣🤣

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Living Outside the Stereotypes…

Ever felt like you don’t fit in? Like your still searching for your own “click”?Stereotypes play such a key role in mainstream media and marketing but what impact does that really play on us as we transition through the ages and phases of life? Ever feel like you have one foot in either camp but don’t qualify as a true member? The amount of times we hold our tongues for fear of being cast out into the cold, why would we bust a gut to fit in rather then be ourselves unapologetically?

It got me thinking surely if I feel that way then others do too…

So here it is my guide through the half fitting stereotypes and how I’m learning to just be me, it’s EXHAUSTING keeping up with the kardasians of the clicks anyway!

The Crunchy Mum; lets start with the most obvious for me. Crunchy is the name given to those “natural” mothers they’re stereotyped as extended breastfeeding, home birthing, anti-vaccinating mums. I thought after my first child if I fit any mummy stereotype it’d be this one. Natural birth with virtually no pain relief (gas) for a 9lb4oz Baby who was breastfed til she was 2. I rarely let her have junk food and I did everything by the book!

Fast forward to age 3 and she has way too much screen time, maccas at least once a week, I let her drink a small bit of fizzy like the big kids and I bribe her with a “special” (a lollie) when I’m desperate. I have twins which means poor Payton gets it a little more relaxed around here… mind you my twins were born via cesarean section (necessity!), are bottle fed, all my kids are vaccinated and I wash their hair with shampoo so I don’t know how really “Crunchy” I am after all 😂

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The stay at home mum; I’m going to start here by admitting the thing your not meant to say… ever. Sometimes I need a break from my kids to keep my sanity, to stop me from saying “for fucks sake” out loud instead if in my head when I have two babies who decided to be the Olympic Relay Team for napping where they take turns cat napping and crying when I’m running on 5 hours broken sleep… Stay at home mums have it tough. They are on the clock 24/7 there’s no lunch break for them and they are like the ol’ faithful workhorse who just keeps ploughing the field so the harvest can benefit everyone else on the farm. Now don’t get me wrong I LOVE spending time with my kids, quality time, where your playing and laughing and really being present with them. BUT that’s not reality everyday for me as a SAHM I get so guilty “sitting at home all day” that I have to clean have to wash have to vacuum.

When I told my Mum I was returning to work two days a week in the new year she replied with “but you haven’t had a break since the twins were born”. And ain’t that the truth twins are twice the work and twice the rewards! But I know returning to work will make me more grateful and more present when I’m at home and it will ground me more in who I am as a person not just being “Mum”. Now maybe it’s selfish to want to return to work and have some adult interaction but if it makes me a better Mum the days I’m home then that’s okay with me.

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The working Mum; Working Mums have a crap gig too… when your not with your child you feel bad you miss them and sometimes your PAYING someone else to be with them when you really just want to be there yourself, it’s a messed up cycle of mummy guilt. I always feel working though like I’m either being a good employee or a good Mum it’s SO hard to get the balance right.

I’d get in one of my colleagues bad books for arriving 5 minutes late to work at 8:05 even though I left the house dragging my toddler half asleep through breakfast and getting ready in a rush to drop her at preschool by 7:30, Drop her off mostly without tears but some days there’s a tantrum, drive to work and be made to feel like the worst person ever for being late. I wanted to go cry in the toilets as I’d feel like a shit Mum with no appreciation for the sacrifices I was making to be there. Not to mention I’d stay back however much I was late by so that it all worked out and often I wouldnt be able to pick Payton back up until 5pm. For a not even 2 year old those are bloody long days at daycare. I had to go back to work full time after Payton but I’m thrilled to be returning just 2 days a week this time around. Working Mums deserve a national holiday for the sacrifices they make for their families… they will never get those lost days back.

Hearing Payton tell me one day that she didn’t want to go to daycare she wanted to stay home with me and the twins was so bitter sweet, on one hand I was so happy that she enjoyed her days at home with me and then I was so sad because I realised she was so used to going to daycare full time before she didn’t know any different…

 

At the end of the day we all have our own journey through motherhood but let’s face it our choices are frequently driven by circumstances rather then your ideals.

 

I often thought if only that colleague could be a fly on the wall for my morning routine maybe she would be more compassionate…

If only I knew how isolating it can be being a stay at home Mum I would’ve visited my sisters more when they were at home with babies…

If only I knew the guilt each working Mum felt I’d thank her for showing up to work that day…

 

These are the sentiments I wish more Mums would admit to. The more we open up to others the more we can relate to each other and lift each other up when we need it.

My Top Tips: Destress gift giving!

Christmas… There are prominently two types of people in the lead up to Christmas. Those who count down eagerly with a list of presents and shopping tasks to rival Santa’s OR those people who the mere word sends shivers to their core as they procrastinate and avoid the shops like the plague is taking over the city!

Person One. These people are like Will Farrel in ‘Elf’, over animated,  over achievers who relish Christmas just as much as they did in their childhood high on Christmas spirit and cinnamon! The Christmas tree is up and the halls of their home are decked with Christmas decorations and the smooth sultry tones of Rod Stewart or Michael Bublè are blasting out of the sound system. They tick items off their list with military precision on the count down to C day…

Person 2. These people are a cross between the Grinch and the unbelieving Tim Allen in Santa Claus. Parents who are so worn thin by the years ent that they need to crack open a wine just to contemplate the wish lists, the tree, the Christmas menu, the Relatives, the crowds at the shops and the budget… Just thinking of Christmas exhausts them. All that procrastination though adds to the mental load of the Silly Season and they just want to sleep in under the covers until it’s Boxing Day. Hey if they did that at least they’d get their gifts on sale and save!

 

If you’re a mixture of these two types then congratulations you’ve managed to realise the holidays are a marathon and you’ve mastered conserving the energy and saved your sanity… until the relos arrive!

The problem with these extremes is that you end up burning out from the sheer pressure you put on yourself over the holidays. It’s exhausting maintaining that energy! Here I’m going to give you my top tops for DESTRESSING gift buying and giving, because sometimes the most stress is actually in the giving. How is it going to be received? Will they love it? Hate it? What will they think of me if I give them a gift they hate? What if they think it’s not expensive enough? The list goes on and on…

Here’s the truth of what gift giving is about… Giving a gift is supposed to be a selfless act focused on them and comes with no strings attached, once they receive the gift it is theirs to do with as they want. Gift giving is not about your ego or about the recognition or any gratification that shifts the focus back on you.

Giving from the heart with the receivers hapiness at the centre is the key to destressing the process of buying gifts. Want to know to know if the gift your buying is going to serve them and not serve you? Ask these questions when choosing gifts…

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My other big tip for making Christmas Shopping more bareable is to go with a support crew of your own, the buddy system works wonderfully! Last year I went with my best friend and we had a great day! We split the list to tackle the chaos in the shop and cutting shopping time in half then we could chat in the queue to make the waiting more enjoyable. And of course after we had lunch! Whether your a shop in one day person or you like to space it out having a friend will help keep you calm & relaxed!

Finding the fun in the season makes its less stressful and more enjoyable. Find out what’s happening in the Community and get along to the festive celebrations that fit your family. Get your friends or family together in ways that minimise preparation and planning it great to swap gifts at this time too to take the pressure off seeing every man and his dog on Christmas Day, it also means you won’t still have present to give out laying around your home in January. An informal picnic dinner at Carols by Candlelight with a BBQ chicken from the shops makes a stressfree catch up and easy dinner, where it’s also acceptable to have a glass of bubbles, what better way to get you in the Christmas spirit?!

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Stuck for inspiration? Get down to your local markets and support local artisans and give gifts that are truely unique,  this minimises the worry when giving big commercialised gifts hoping like hell the person in question doesn’t already have the item stuffed in a cupboard at home!

Or… get online look at vouchers and experiences. You can print and pop in a handwritten card or if email with an e-card. Trust me as a Mum to 5 admission tickets to attractions like action parks, water parks, zoos, movie theatres or play zones are great ways to provide entertainment in the holidays and means you don’t end up with excess clutter in the house. It’s great value and gives families great quality time together.

So balance your inner Elf and your inner Grinch. Give from the heart and think outside the square, keep it simple, buddy up & for Jesus’ sake buy yourself a gift too you deserve it! And… don’t forget to oil up to support you through the season after all Frankincense and Myrrh were two of the first three Christmas gifts!

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Need to banish your inner Banshee?!

Have You Ever Felt Like a screaming Banshee?…

 

Or just can’t seem to get enough calm to maintain your cool throughout the day…

 

Have you ever felt like your at the end of your limit? Ready to snap?

You know what I’m talking about. You spend all day sighing under your breath thinking your neighbours must think your the worst mum ever…

You have responsibilities…

You have little humans to take care of…

You know something needs to change!

You NEED to keep it together!

 

And …

You’re Stuck…

You don’t what to do.

You don’t know how to keep your cool when your mini tornados are loose in the house. you just want to curl up in a ball and rock your troubles away in the corner… I’ve been there.

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Yes, you’re being held hostage by your fried nervous system!

 

With each passing day you feel yourself becoming crabbier and crankier, even the dog gives you a wide berth.

You have tried everything. Wasted money & time on products that do not help.

And THIS Is Where Most People Give Up…

Somewhere along the line we succumb to the idea that cranky is normal when your a mum.

Well, I’m here to tell you that those days are over.

I want to introduce you to essential oils.

These are powerful natural products with emotional benefits galore! Essential oils are taking the world by storm and have been around for thousands of years! Our oils are 100% pure with no added fillers, preservatives or hidden nasties.

…Take Back Your cool, calm & collected! I did! AND I want to share my success and show others HOW… Even my kids are reaping the benefits through aromatherapy.

I have personally experienced the wondrous benefits of these little bottles and now I wouldn’t be without them. They help me regulate my emotions and help me be the best role model for my mini-me’s. With three kids under three my life can get very stressful especially when the toddler is having a tantrum, one twin wants a bottle and one twin is teething. Essential oils have empowered me to support my emotions and give my nervous system the relief it needed after years of being on edge and sleep deprived!

Go with the Flow

Yes, Essential Oils CAN help you be the calm in their storm!…

…with no chemicals

…no prescriptions

…Easy to use and you’ll smell amazing!

Let Me Show You How It Works!

Step 1:

First, Download my free Ebook with your essential oils guide to emotional benefits! Contact me by clicking here to request an email from me with the download link.

Step 2:

Then, you choose the oils that fit YOUR needs. Order these oils on my webiste and remember,when you enrol as a member with my team you will receive a huge discount and a goodie bag from Flourish with Laura to help get you started! Head directly to my website to order and click here

Step 3:

Join our FREE Flourish with Laura Family group on facebook and get the extra support need alongside your product purchase! You will automatically be added to these groups with your purchases.

You can now get customer support and service direct with your Essential Oil regime and start enjoying being the best you!

Ordering is easy! Enrolment with a wholesale account is simple!

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Everything you need will be delivered via email followed by products arriving at your door step.

And if you REALLY want to take advantage of the support I offer all you have to do is join the linked groups provided in a welcome email after your product purchase to get started….for FREE!

You can just use this incredible product without joining up, you can purchase at retail and try them for yourself.

It’s literally up to you.

No more walking through life as a Banshee! BANISH your inner Banshee! Get started with your new regime TODAY!

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All that remains

What’s your response when someone says “What do you do?”. When you exclude being a Mum, your day job, your role in your household… What remains? What do you DO for YOU?

Everyone goes through ages and phases but so far riding the newborn twin wave has been pretty consuming. From the start of my pregnancy I made a lot of sacrifices, netball, pole dancing, my ability to eat (thanks to double the hormones and severe morning sickness). I’d lost the 15kgs of baby weight from my first who was a toddler reaching my prebaby status. I was working full time so the regular exercise and running around meant I was always on the go. I only had to share my bed with one child and she was small so sleep was fairly easy to come by until my twin bump exceeded basketball size at 6months! I liked to bake and see close friends. I love to entertain by having a house full of introverts I dont do this nearly as often as I’d like.

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Fast forward and my life revolves around my three mini-me’s and I answer to their every beck & call, don’t worry the answer is appropriate to the situation, I’m not a total push over! There’s no more pole dancing, no more netball, and no strict diet/exercise regime I’m 90kgs! It’s purely the view of achiveing the daily grind, tucking them happy into bed and raising my babies to grow into good people and cure cancer/world domination you know the drill Mummas! There’s also the fact that tucking them into bed means any or all three could end up in bed with me. Still I wouldn’t change a thing.

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So how do you maintain your sense of self when your entire life is centred around caring and providing for others? It’s hard. One day you wake up and think, what about me? And that’s totally valid you deserve to be taken care of and have your needs met just as much as everyone else. Even more so because you have other dependent little humans who need you at 100% of your game 24/7. It is not selfish. You are not the slave, the maid, the nanny, the chef, the whatever… you are a parent and you a ONE HALF of the parenting team. Stay at home Mums don’t get a break they are in the trenches 24/7.

I love Constance Hall’s piece recently which pointed out when our spouses are away, home late, or working overtime our “work hours” are extended too but we don’t get paid for this we get extra cuddles if the kids are in the right mood BUT if your changing your seventh pair of skiddy undies it’s easy to start feeling resentful (kids undies not mine!). It’s okay to tap in your teammate and explain you need a break. Tap in anyone who is willing and can safely care for your kids. 5 minutes to a couple hours whatever is manageable. I can manage 1hr more then that I worry and get anxious I know how demanding two babies are.

I don’t know what remains of the old me, but I know what  has been added to me becoming a twin Mum. I’m more patient (except for three anger tantrums), I’m more flexible, I’m open to changing my ways to accomodate my family, I’m sacrificing the things that I enjoy to put their needs first for now. There will come a netball season I can join in, and maybe a pole class I can make but for now it’s baby steps. I know next year I’ll return to work and miss the days I got to hold my children close, play & bake at home so I hold those times in my heart now. As for sleep that’s harder to come by but they’re only little once and I try to find peace in the fact that I bring my children comfort when they can’t find sweet sleep…

… but if you need a little reminder to care for your needs go find a good meditation podcast, rub some geranium on it’s the oil of self love, sit with a hot cuppa outside in the sun, phone a friend whose in the same boat, and just remember that this is a phase and when you move to the next stage in your life you’ll know you gave your ALL to raising your children and you kept your sanity by modelling self-love too.

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